I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
