Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
