Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
