the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
