We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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