Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
