So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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