walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
