Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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