I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
