Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
