I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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