I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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