Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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