You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
