I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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