ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
