To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
