she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
