Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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