Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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