I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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