can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
