Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
