I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We got so high we made milksteak
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
