Pants 0. Shit 1.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
