I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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