can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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