I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
