A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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