The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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