Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
