whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
