Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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