Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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