ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
