just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
