Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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