There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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