Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
