he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
