How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
