well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
