Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
