Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this boner is exhausting
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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