I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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