Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
