Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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