I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
