ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
