I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
