If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
