Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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