i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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