Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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