Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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